


Still

by kyeopen



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Best Friends, Coming Out, Fluff, Friendship, Hiatus, Interviews, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-10-04 22:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17313173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyeopen/pseuds/kyeopen
Summary: Josh comes out to Tyler.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't stop writing these day I don't know what's happening with me but I guess I'll enjoy it while I can

Josh doesn’t like interviews. He doesn’t really hate them, per se, but if he could avoid them and only plays shows for the rest of his life? That would be the definition of his biggest dream. He’s never liked talking in public, or even worse, being the center of attention. He remembers in high-school when he would pretend to be sick or to have the urgent need to go to the bathroom just to avoid an oral presentation. Speaking in front of an audience has always been a nightmare for him. Of course, it got better along the years. And that’s not something you can avoid completely when you’re suddenly becoming a successful drummer in an international well-known band. And so he tried to hide it. To use this good old _fake it til you make it_ method. It was hard but he eventually made it work, somehow. Tyler was helping a lot too.

Right now Josh can feel Tyler’s hand on his back. His fingers are tracing small patterns on his shoulder blades and Josh can instantly feel his entire body relax. To the interviewer, it may seem like a meaningless gesture but in that moment, it’s so much more than that. Because Tyler _knows_. He always knows when it becomes too much, when Josh starts to get tense. He just knows. And so he keeps running his hand alongside his back and Josh almost forgets about the weird interviewer. That, until this one looks up at him, and when he gives him a small smile, Josh knows that this one is about to ask a stupid question.

‘And what about your love life, Josh? We all know about Tyler’s but you keep yours pretty private right?’

Josh hates interviewers taking advantage of interviews just to ask them about his personal life. Of course, he knew that it would be something he would eventually have to deal with if he ever became famous. The intrusive questions. The lack of privacy. He knew all of that, but it doesn’t keep him from hating this guy with every inch of his body right now.

‘Yeah, and I’m pretty sure he wants to keep it that way.’ Tyler eventually says. ‘So now, if you have any more questions concerning the album, we’ll be glad to answer them.’ He adds, and Josh almost wants to hug him, right there.

Because he got that question before. _What about your love life?_ He got this question so many times before. And it doesn’t really bother him that much, usually. He usually manages to get past them. Because his love life is usually not very active anyway, so he doesn’t have something to hide in the first place. But today, it’s different. Today, he has something to hide.

Because he met someone. A few months ago. When Tyler and him were still on hiatus. He met someone and he doesn’t think he’s been more in love before. He’s not trying to be very discreet about his love life usually, but the only thing that makes him being more cautious than usual lately, is the fact that his special someone isn’t a girl. It’s a guy. _Aaron_. And as much as he hates himself from feeling that way, he’s terrified that this could have an impact on the band’s reputation. And he can’t do that to Tyler. He can’t.

He’s not ashamed. That’s not it. He’s open. He’s always been open about his sexuality. Many people know about his relationship. His whole family knows. Mark knows. Brad knows. Even Jenna figured it out. _You act like a love-struck teenager, Josh, it wasn’t very hard to do the math._

But Tyler, him, doesn’t know. And his best-friend has always been pretty oblivious about this kind of things and Josh knows that this one won’t notice anything until he tells him himself. And he needs to tell him. He’s just scared. He knows his best-friend is not homophobic. It’s not something that they usually talk about but Josh just knows. But sometimes, he can’t help but to apprehend his reaction. Sometimes, he can’t help but to think that Tyler may see him differently once he tells him that he fell in love with a man.

Once the interview is over, Josh quickly stands up and follows Tyler out of the room. The first thing he does when he goes out of this radio station is taking his cellphone to text him.

‘ _Have you listened to the interview?’_

‘ _I did! Sorry the guy was a douche, though :(‘_

‘ _So you’re not mad?’_

‘ _Mad? About what?’_

‘ _About avoiding the question.’_

‘ _Dude, no. Of course not. I would have been mad at you for making it official to the whole world without speaking about it to me first.’_

‘ _Alright.’_

‘ _You’re okay in there, Josh?’_

‘ _Yeah I just. I hate interviews.’_

‘ _I know. You did well, though. You always do.’_

‘ _Thank you.’_ He only sends, and is about to text something else when Tyler speaks next to him.

‘Well this guy was a complete jerk.’ He says.

‘Yeah, tell me about it. I hate this kind of guys.’ Josh answers with a sigh. ‘Thank you, by the way, for answering for me.’

‘It’s no problems man, really. He was out of line during the whole interview, I just lost it.’ Tyler laughs. ‘Well, I should head back. I’ll see you tonight, yeah? Ready for the tour?’

‘Hell yeah I am.’ Josh answers. The tour is already starting in a few days and Josh literally cannot wait to travel in the whole country and play shows every night again. The hiatus has done him some good. He needed the rest, but shows have always been the best part of being in a band, in his opinion. But the closer the tour gets, the more anxious Josh becomes. Because he wants to bring Aaron on tour. But that means coming out to Tyler first.

He sighs and takes his cellphone, smiling at his new message.

‘ _No worries. Now please come over, I baked cookies.’_

‘ _On my way’_

When he gets in his apartment, Aaron is slumped on the sofa and seems to be focused on some stupid reality show. It doesn’t seem very fascinating, though, because Josh can hear him sigh a few seconds later and change the channel. He closes the door behind him and Aaron instantly looks up at him to give him a large smile.

‘Hi!’ He says

‘Hey.’ Josh answers, letting himself fall on a second couch nearby. Aaron only smiles at him another time and pets Jim for a few seconds, and Josh can’t help but smile at the view. This one is laying down on the couch, Jim on top of him, and he’s pretty sure he’s falling in love all over again.

‘God I love you so much.’ He says and instantly blushes when he realizes he just said that out loud. But Aaron only looks up at him with an amused expression and stands up to place himself on Josh’s lap, pressing their lips together.

‘I love you too, you sap.’ He answers and Josh can’t help but to smile against his lips. They kiss lazily for a while and Aaron eventually lies down next to him, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

‘How was work today?’ Josh asks, running his hand on Aaron’s hair.

‘Fine.’ Aaron only says.

This one has just finished his master’s degree to become a social worker and is currently working in a book store like he does every year during the summer. Josh doesn’t think he has met someone who loves books as much as Aaron does, and that’s just another thing he likes about him. He usually stops working there before September but since he’s officially done studying, he just told Josh he wanted to keep this job until he could find something in his area. That until Josh offered him to join them on tour.

‘Can’t wait to be done, though.’ He says, climbing on top of Josh to straddle him. ‘So I can join you guys on tour and act like a fanboy at every single show.’ He adds, pressing their lips together another time, and Josh lets out a small laugh before shoving him to the side so he can be on top of him.

He runs his hand through his hair a few times and looks at him for a few long seconds before kissing him again, slowly.

‘Azz?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I think I’m going to tell Tyler tonight.’

‘About us?’

‘Yeah.’ Josh says, laying down next to him and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

‘Alright.’ Aaron says with a smile. ‘You’re having dinner with him?’

‘Fuck.’ Josh instantly answers. ‘I didn’t warn you, did I? God, I’m sorry, I just… I’ve got so much in my mind lately and I… I’m sorry if you’d planned something, I-’

‘Hey, hey, hey.’ Aaaron cuts him off, placing his right hand on his cheek. ‘It’s completely fine, sweetie. You have a lot to think about. I understand. But you worry too much lately, Josh. You apologize for things that don’t even really matter.’

‘I just… I just want to do this right. With you.’

‘You’re already doing everything right with me, Josh, alright? You’re the sweetest person I know.’

‘I’m sure that’s not true.’ Josh says with a smile, pressing a small kiss on Aaron’s cheek. ‘I guess I just… My past relationships always ended badly because of… because of the distance. Because of the band. And I don’t want that happening with you. I really don’t. So I guess that I… I want everything to be perfect. I want to be perfect.’

‘Nobody’s perfect, Josh. And I can’t promise you that this relationship will last. We can’t know that for sure. But just know that I don’t want that happening either and we’re going to do everything we can to avoid that, alright? I’m scared of the distance too, and I know that there will be some times when I’ll miss you like crazy but… As for now, I’m going on tour with you. I can even follow you in Europe too, you know.’

‘I don’t want you to sacrifice your career just to follow me everywhere in the world Azz. It wouldn’t be fair. I know how eager you are to start working as a social worker. And you worked so hard for this.’

‘I’m only 26 Josh, I still have time, you know. I can wait a few years. We’ll figure this out, alright? Now go spend some time with your best-friend, my family wanted to see me tonight anyway.’

‘Alright.’ Josh says. ‘I’ll see you later? Can you sleep here tonight? I don’t want to be alone.’

‘Of course.’ And he kisses him on the lips another time. ‘Now go.’

Josh smiles at him and gets up, putting his shoes on and taking his keys.

‘You still have the spare key, right?’

‘Yeah, don’t worry about that. I’ll lock the door on my way out.’

Josh waves at him a last time and makes his way towards Tyler and Jenna’s house. It’s only a ten minutes walk and he’s soon standing in front of their front door. He stays there, immobile, for a few seconds, and can’t seem to be able to knock on the door just yet. He’s scared. He’s scared of Tyler’s reaction. He’s scared of being judged, and he knows, deep down, that he’s being silly. Because Tyler is his best-friend and he knows for a fact that he won’t ever judge him for his sexuality. But there is something in the back of his mind that is holding him back. And so he just takes his cellphone and starts texting Aaron instead.

‘ _Azz, I’m freaking out.’_

‘ _Okay. Where are you right now, Josh?’_

‘ _In front of their house.’_

‘ _Everything’s going to be okay, alright? From what you told me about him, Tyler really seems like a nice guy. Jenna even told you she was 100% positive that he would react well, right?’_

‘ _Yeah. That’s true.’_

‘ _Then go for it, okay? He’s your best-friend. I’ve watched enough videos of you two goofing around to be sure that nothing can tear you guys apart.’_

‘ _That’s a bit creepy.’_ Josh sends with a smile.

‘ _Josh, we watched those videos together.’_ Josh lets out a small laugh and eventually knock on the door while sending Aaron a last message.

‘ _Alright, I’m doing this.’_

‘ _That’s my boy! Call me when it’s done.’_

And Josh doesn’t have time to answer that the door is already being wide opened by Jenna who gives him a warm hug before letting him in. Tyler doesn’t take long to join them and soon enough, Josh is already seated around the table with them. The dinner goes fine, they spend the entire time speaking about the tour, about what still needs to be done, the last details, and Josh is once again amazed by Jenna’s cooking.

‘Want some tea?’ Tyler eventually asks after a while.

‘Yeah… Yeah, why not.’ Josh answers and takes a deep breath before speaking again. ‘Ty, I… I need to tell you something first.’

Jenna instantly looks up at him and Josh doesn’t need to say anything to her. She already knows what he’s about to do. She always knows. She gives him a warm smile and runs one of her hands through his husband’s hair for a few seconds.

‘I’ll get the tea.’ She says, smiling. ‘You two talk.’

Tyler gets up and takes a seat on the couch, inviting Josh to do the same. He follows him and tries to ignore the knot in his stomach which is only getting tighter and tighter. This is it, Josh thinks. There’s no going back.

‘What’s wrong man?’ His best-friend starts, placing one of his hands on his shoulder. ‘Is it serious?’

‘No, no… Not really. It’s just… It’s just something I’ve got to tell you, I guess. I’ve been keeping it from you for a while now and… Many people already know. My fam, Brad and Mark… Jenna figured it out too.’

‘Alright.’ Tyler only says, and Josh can hear the confusion and a certain disappointment in his voice.

‘I… I met someone.’

‘Really? Dude, that’s awesome!’ Tyler’s expression drastically changes and a large smile instantly appears on his face. ‘What’s she like?’

‘Well, that’s the thing… She’s a he.’ Josh finally says and he swears he can feel his heart skips a beat. The whole room is silent for a while and when he turns around to face Tyler, this one seems to be in deep concentration. Josh stays there, immobile, with a lump in his throat, trying to look for something to say, but his best-friend eventually answers.

‘What’s he like then?’ He only asks with a small smile and Josh feels like an enormous weight has just been taken off his shoulders.

‘Hum… He’s… He’s kind. The kindest person I’ve ever met. He’s funny, too. He’s a little younger than me, he’s… He’s 26. He just finished his master’s degree to become a social worker. He’s… He’s a good guy, Tyler, you’d like him.’

Tyler’s smile only gets bigger and this one wraps his arms around Josh, bringing him closer. Josh is placing his own arms around his back and buries his face in the crook of his best-friend’s neck.

‘What’s his name?’ Tyler asks, slipping his hand from his shoulder to the back of his neck.

‘Aaron.’

‘When did you two meet?’

‘Hum… In January? In a cafe. It’s actually kind of a funny story.’ Josh says, laughing at the memories. ‘I was, uh… Having a coffee. Every seat was taken so I just… I took a seat next to him, and… There was this fan who came to me, and he asked Aaron to take a picture of the two of us.’

‘How did he react?’ Tyler instantly asks with a small smile

‘He was confused.’ Josh answers with a smile. ‘And once the fan was gone, he just asked me if he was supposed to know me. I told him about the band and he… I guess we just… We just hit it off. He gave me his number and… One month later, we were dating.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’ Tyler eventually asks.

‘I don’t know, I… I guess I just freaked out. I told my family cause I was being too obvious, Mark and Brad caught us kissing, and Jenna… Well you know how your wife is.’ Josh says with a smile, earning a small laugh from his best-friend. ‘I guess I was scared you would… You would see me differently.’

‘Because it’s a guy?’

‘Yeah, I… I guess. We never really talk about this kind of things and I… I was just scared. But it was stupid. And I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner. It’s just that… Your opinion means the world to me, Tyler. And I didn’t want to… To affect the band’s reputation. That’s why I stayed silent.’

‘Josh, I’ll never judge you for something like that, okay? I don’t care who you’re dating. I just want you to be happy.’ Tyler tells him after a few seconds. ‘Does he make you happy?’ He asks, and Josh doesn’t hesitate a second to answer him.

‘He does.’

‘Good.’ Tyler runs one of his hand through his own hair. ‘As for the band… It doesn’t matter what you want to do, Josh. If you want to tell the world you have a boyfriend, or… Or if you want to wait a little bit. I’ll be with you every step of the way. The fans will be thrilled. I know they will. And if some of them give you shit for it, then… Then they don’t understand a single thing about this band in the first place anyway. I love you man. And nothing’s going to change that.’

At this point, a few tears are already rolling down his cheeks and he just takes Tyler in his arms again, holding him tight.

‘Thank you.’

‘You have nothing to thank me for.’ Tyler whispers. ‘I have one more question though.’

‘What is it?’

‘When can I meet him?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if many people are going to read this cause it's not joshler but I've had fun writing this and I love their friendship so here it is. Hope you liked it :) Who's interested for a second part where Tyler & Aaron meet?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron & Tyler meets, Josh comes out to the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this guys

Josh and Aaron are having a lazy day. Josh is slumped on the sofa and his boyfriend is sleeping on top of him, his face in the crook of his neck. There is this stupid show currently being played on TV but Josh can’t bring himself to take the remote control to change the channel because he doesn’t want to wake Aaron up. He knows the bookstore has been very crowded during the past few days and he even caught him wandering in the flat in the middle of the night, unable to sleep.

His left arm slowly becomes numb from being stuck under Aaron’s body but this one finally seems to sleep so peacefully Josh doesn’t have it in him to wake him up or to push him aside a little bit. He watches him for a few seconds and a small smile instantly stretches his lips. They have officially been dating for eight months and for the first time in his life, Josh finds himself confident that his relationship can last. Of course they’ve fought a few times already but it only seems to have brought them even closer than before.

Aaron even met his family a few months ago and this one seems to get along perfectly with everyone, and Josh couldn’t be happier. The last thing he wanted was for Aaron not to feel comfortable around his siblings and parents, especially since he told him about his own family. Josh knows for a fact that his father is out of the picture ever since he came out to him a few years ago. Aaron has never been very willing to go into the details but Josh knows that the two of them are no longer in speaking terms. He still met Aaron’s brother and mother a few weeks ago and they both have been very accepting towards him.

After a few minutes, Josh can hear someone knocks a few times on the front door but he doesn’t have time to do anything that this one is then being wide opened by Tyler who gives him a large smile. His best-friend is about to say something but Josh quickly points at his sleeping boyfriend and Tyler instantly stops talking.

‘What are you doing here man?’ Josh asks, watching his best-friend take a seat on the armchair.

‘Dude it’s been two days since you told me you’ve got yourself a cute boyfriend and you haven’t talked to me at all since then. I told you I wanted to meet him, so here I am.’ Tyler answers, whispering. ‘And I’m guessing the man sleeping on top of you is the said boyfriend.’

‘Good observation.’ Josh only says, smiling. ‘Where is Jenna?’

‘Out with her parents. She wanted to spend the day with her fam since we’re leaving tomorrow.’

‘Are you done packing?’

‘Dude of course I’m done packing. Aren’t you?’

‘I haven’t even started.’ Josh only answers, laughing.

‘You’re unbelievable.’ Tyler answers. ‘So he’s coming with us, right?’

‘He is.’ Josh nods. ‘Be nice when he wakes up, would you? He’s pretty nervous to meet you for some reasons.’

‘Well I’m the lead singer.’

‘Dude.’ Josh warns him, rolling his eyes.

‘I can’t believe you’ve been dating for eight months. How did you manage to hide this from me for so long?’

‘Well no offense man but you can be pretty oblivious when it comes to this kind of stuff.’ Josh says, and Tyler only opens his eyes wide, pretending to feel offended.

‘Is this Tyler?’ Aaron says with a sleepy voice, his eyes still closed.

‘That would be me.’ Tyler answers, laughing. Aaron slowly opens his eyes and Josh gives him a warm smile before pressing a small kiss to his forehead. This one only smiles back at him and turns around to face Tyler. ‘You must be Aaron’ His best-friend adds. ‘It’s so nice to meet you man.’

Tyler stands up and holds out his hand to him. Aaron smiles at him and shakes his hand before sitting up straight on the couch, next to Josh.

‘It’s nice to meet you too, Josh told me a lot about you.’

‘Oh I’m sure he did.’ Tyler only answers and Aaron laughs a bit, rubbing his eyes. This one still seems half-asleep and groggy and Josh is having a hard time to stop himself from peppering his face with kisses. And his best-friend seems to have caught him staring because when Josh looks up at him, Tyler only gives him a knowing look and a mocking smile, which is only a warning of what’s about to come.

‘So hum… Do you want something to drink or… I still have some cookies if you want.’

‘Oh my god yes. Please.’ Tyler instantly answers and Aaron only laughs a bit more and stands up to take a few steps towards the kitchen.

‘He’s cute.’ Tyler eventually says when Aaron is out of sight.

‘Shut up he’s adorable.’ Josh adds, smiling.

‘Dude you have it so bad.’

‘I know!’ Josh only answers. ‘I just… I can’t help it.’ He adds. ‘I’m thinking of telling everyone by the way.’

‘You mean like making it official?’ Tyler asks.

‘Yeah. I mean it’s been eight months, you know? We’re in a good place. And it was easy hiding this from everyone during the hiatus because we basically disappeared from the earth during a year but… With the tour and everything… I’m sure the fans will eventually figure it out anyway.’

‘Then go for it.’ His best-friend agrees. ‘But don’t do it because you feel like you have to you know? This is your private life we’re talking about, you owe them nothing.’

‘Yeah, I know. But I just don’t want to be careful anymore. I mean I know Azz has kept it a secret to some of his friends because he doesn’t want the news to spread. Because of the band and everything. It will make everything easier and I… This is what I want.’ Josh says. ‘I’m quite scared but… In the end, it shouldn’t even be a big deal, you know?’

‘That’s true. But I understand why you’re scared and I’m so proud of you, man.’

Josh smiles warmly at him and is about to say something else but Aaron goes back in the living-room with a few cans of red-bull and a plate full of cookies. He places all of it on the coffee table and sits down next to Josh, putting one of his hands on his knee.

‘So.’ Tyler starts and Josh just knows that his best-friend is about to say something stupid. ‘Have you listened to Trench yet?’ He just sighs but luckily Aaron doesn’t seem to be bothered and lets out a small laugh.

‘Actually I did. I was curious when I saw your cryptic posts on this website but Josh refused to tell me anything because he didn’t want to spoil me the surprise so I just waited. Your fans must have freaked out so much though, Josh explained the whole hiatus thing to me. It’s a great album.’

‘Thanks man.’ He says. ‘What about you, though? Josh told me you were a social worker?’

‘Not yet. I mean I got my master’s degree but now I guess I just have to look for a job. I’m working in this bookstore for now. Well I just stopped today actually. I was supposed to work there until December but then Josh offered me to join you guys on tour and I’ve never traveled much so I couldn’t say no. How are you feeling by the way? About the tour getting closer? I know Josh is thrilled.’

‘Man I can’t wait!’ Tyler exclaims with a huge smile. ‘I mean I needed the break and the hiatus was nice but… Creating this album, coming up with this whole universe, it was… It was such a long and difficult process. We were afraid nobody would be there but… Honestly it’s overwhelming, I can’t wait to go back on tour.’

They go on talking about the tour for a while and Josh is honestly surprised to see them getting along that much. Their personalities are so different and Josh just knows that his best-friend usually needs some time to adjust to new people but right now Tyler is laughing so hard by what Aaron has just said and Josh is too lost in his thoughts to even comprehend what the joke is all about.

‘Well it’s been fun.’ Tyler says after a while, standing up. ‘I have to get back home, though. My parents wants me to come over since we’re all leaving tomorrow. It was nice to meet you man.’

His best-friend eventually makes his way towards the front door and Josh follows him there, he doesn’t want to let him go without hearing his opinion first.

‘This guy is a keeper, man, you have my blessing.’

‘As if I needed your blessing to keep dating him.’

‘Come on, we all know you do.’

‘Yeah whatever. Go join your parents, I’ll see you tomorrow.’

Once Tyler out of sight, Josh goes back in the living-room and embraces Aaron from behind, placing his chin on his shoulder. This one is busy texting his mother and Josh hides his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck to kiss him there a few times.

‘So that went well.’

‘Yeah.’ Aaron agrees with a smile. ‘He’s not as intimidating as he looks.’ He adds, earning a small laugh from Josh.

‘He’s really not.’ Josh lets himself fall on the couch and takes his cellphone, looking at his Instagram application for a few seconds before looking up at Aaron. ‘I’m gonna tell them.’ He suddenly says.

‘Tell who? About what?’

‘Tell everyone. About us.’

‘Really?’ Aaron asks, surprised. He joins Josh on the couch and stays silent for a while. ‘Do you really want that?’

‘I do. Azz I love you so much man and… We’re in a good place you and I, right?’

‘We are.’ Aaron says with a large smile. ‘I just want to make sure that you thought this through.’

‘I did and… I just don’t want to hide anymore. I’m doing it. Only if you want it too, though.’

‘Of course I do.’ He says, placing one of his hands on the back of his neck to bring their lips together. ‘Where do you want to say it? Twitter? Instagram?’

‘Instagram. Cause I have to post a picture of your cute face.’

‘Alright let’s do this, then.’

Josh gives him a huge smile and takes a deep breath before opening his Instagram application. They take a few minutes to choose the picture and eventually agree to post one where Aaron kisses him on the cheek. Josh remembers the day it was taken. They were out having a coffee with Jenna and this one had spent the whole day taking pictures of the two of them.

‘Alright you do it.’ Josh eventually says, letting his cellphone fall on his boyfriend’s lap.

‘What?’ Aaron asks, confused. ‘If you’re not feeling like it, we don’t have to, Jo’

‘I want to. But I have no idea what I should say. So you do it.’

‘Because _I’m_ supposed to know what to say?’ Aaron asks with a mocking smile.

‘No but I trust you.’

‘You can’t be serious right now.’ He says, but still takes the phone in his hand. ‘Do you want it to be deep? Casual? Mysterious? Funny?’

‘Not deep. Don’t make it a big thing. I don’t care about the rest.’

‘God, you’re lucky I love you.’ Aaron eventually mumbles and Josh watches him as he looks at the screen of his phone with deep concentration. After a few seconds, Josh can see him typing some words with a small smile on his face but he’s too scared to read them.

‘Alright.’ Aaron tells him. ‘Ready to break the internet?’

Josh grabs a pillow and hides his face with it. ‘Oh my god. Yes. Do it.’

‘Okay it’s done.’ Aaron just says, casually. ‘Fuck is it always like that, dude?’

‘Like what?’

‘You already have 5000 likes and just as much comments.’

‘What are they saying? The fans?’

‘Do you want me to read you some of their comments out loud?’

‘Go ahead.’

"Okay… ‘What the actual fucking fuck, I’m screaming’, ‘Oh my god, his boyfriend is so cute please kill me’, ‘You two already broke the internet I can’t even’, ‘I can’t breathe’, ‘#cutenessoverload’, ‘Josh we love you’, ‘I want this picture to be tattooed on my face'... Fuck, your fans are so weird, man."

Josh can’t help but to let out a small laugh at how confused Aaron sounds and he eventually removes the pillow from over his head to place himself on his lap and crash their lips together. Aaron makes a surprised sound but soon enough, he’s kissing him back with just as much passion and Josh is pretty sure he’s falling in love all over again.

‘I love you.’

‘I love you too’ Aaron answers with a shy smile. ‘Wait you have a message from… Brendon? Brendon as in Brendon Urie? From Panic! At The Disco?’

‘Must be him. What is he saying?’

‘Hum… He says, I quote: ‘You fucking piece of shit, how dare you coming out to the whole world without telling me about your boyfriend first? He’s hot as fuck, by the way, mind sharing?’

‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry.’ Josh answers, bursting into laughter.

Josh takes his cellphone back and wastes no time answering the singer: _‘You wish Urie, you wish.’._ He then goes back to his Instagram account and a huge smile appears on his face when he reads the caption Aaron wrote.

‘ _Hi this is Aaron taking over my boyfriend’s Instagram. Josh is the one who asked me to come up with a caption for this cute picture of the two of us and he’s currently lying down on the couch and hiding his face with a pillow because he’s scared of you guys’ reactions. So send him some love, would you?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was as funny to read this as it was in my head (Is this sentence correct English?)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh leaves for the European tour. Aaron stays in the US.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one!

_A few months later_

 

Today marks their one year anniversary.

One year.

365 days. It’s been exactly 365 days since he kissed Aaron for the first time in this apartment, and yet he just doesn’t have it in him to be happy right now. Because today also almost marks the very beginning of their European tour, and this time Aaron isn’t coming with them. This time, he’s staying there, in Columbus, and Josh is traveling to the other side of the world.

This is the first thought that crossed his mind when he woke up this morning. Aaron was already at work and so he just decided to leave the apartment for a while and take a walk. To sort his feelings out. To get his mind off things. But right now he’s wandering around the city center for what he thinks is a few hours and nothing is working. There are so many emotions inside him and Josh doesn’t know what to do about them.

Because he should be happy. At least, that’s what everyone around him seems to think. He’s living of his passion. He’s going on tour. He’s playing the drums every night in front of thousands and thousands of people. He’s traveling the world. He’s discovering new cities. His life is great. His life is easy. Or at least it should be.

But now he’s seated down on a bench, watching the streets of Columbus and he suddenly bursts into tears. Aaron was supposed to come with them at first, and Josh was thrilled. But then someone called his boyfriend and offered him the job of his dreams and Aaron had to say yes. And he doesn’t blame him. Of course he doesn’t, he’s even the one who pushed him to take the job in the first place. But now that they’re about to be separated for almost two months, it doesn’t feel like a great decision anymore.

Of course he knows for a fact that they can get through it. It’s going to be hard but he knows they will eventually make it work. This time, at least. Because then, he just realized it wouldn’t be a one time thing. Oh no. There would be a next time, and a next time, and a next time, and Josh is terrified that this relationship is going to end up like every other relationship he had in the past. The only thing different this time is that Josh has never been so sure about someone. He can see himself with him in the long-term. He knows Aaron is the husband and let’s move in in a big house and have kids material. He just knows.

He slowly takes his cellphone in his right hand and instantly knows he fucked up when he sees the impressive number of messages and missed-calls he has. He looks at the time on his watch and opens his eyes wide when he realizes it’s already 9pm. He’s been out for more than seven hours and completely missed the dinner Aaron had prepared for the both of them.

A few messages come from Tyler, but most of them are from Aaron. And he’s about to call him but his best-friend is faster and Josh instantly picks up.

‘Hey Ty I-’

‘Oh my god Josh where the fuck are you?’ Tyler yells.

‘I’m… I’m in the city center, I’m sorry, I-’

‘Azz is freaking the fuck out Josh, you need to come back in your apartment _now_.’

‘You’re with him?’

‘Of course I’m with him asshole!’

‘Okay, then… Tell him I’m coming alright, I’m… I’m sorry.’

‘Where were you?’ Tyler only shouts a bit louder than a few seconds before.

‘I’m sorry, I just… Oh my god, I’m so fucking stupid, I- I’m sorry.’

‘Just come here now, alright? You better have a damn good explanation because he’s not happy.’ Tyler says, hanging up.

‘Fuck.’ Josh says, running his two hands through his hair. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’ He repeats and starts running towards his flat. Luckily for him, the apartment he now shares with Aaron isn’t so far away from where is is and a few minutes later, he’s already climbing the stairs as fast as he can. He wastes no time to open the door and he doesn’t even have time to close it behind him that his boyfriend is already standing up and Josh expects him to yell at him or to hit him but Aaron does none of those things. Instead, he rushes towards him and throws himself into his arms, holding him so tight against himself Josh is afraid he might choke.

‘You’re such a fucking asshole you know that, right?’ His boyfriend still says in such a harsh tone, bursting into tears against him. Josh closes his eyes and a few tears are rolling down his own cheeks. He sees Tyler standing up in the background and looks up at him to thank him silently. This one only pats him on the back and Josh knows this one has preferred giving the two of them some space when he hears the door of his apartment being opened and closed again.

‘I’m so so sorry honey, I…’

‘Shut up.’ Aaron says, still holding him close. ‘Just shut up.’ He repeats a second time. Josh stays silent and presses a small kiss on his boyfriend’s shoulder, not letting go of the embrace until he can feel Aaron’s breathing becoming more regular.

‘You scared the shit out of me, Josh.’ This one eventually says, taking a few steps backwards.

‘I’m sorry, I-’

‘No just shut up and hear me out, okay?’ Aaron cuts him off. ‘I went back home early. From work. Because I know it’s our last day together before you’re leaving on tour. And trust me I’m so fucking glad for you because I know how much you love it. I know how that makes you feel. But I went back home early because I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to spend some time with you because I don’t know about you but the perspective of being away from you for almost two fucking months is scaring the shit out of me.’ Aaron’s voice is still shaking and Josh only really wants to hold him close and tells him how sorry he is. ‘Of course you weren’t there so I just figured out you were probably at your parents’ or something. So I waited. I was kinda pissed at you because you weren’t answering any of my texts but alright. We’ve just been together for one fucking year, no big deal.’ He adds, and his voice is even louder than before. Josh is pretty sure that all his neighbors can hear him but it’s the last thing he cares about at this very moment. ‘After a while, I just… I started cooking for tonight to think about something else. But then it was already 7 and you were supposed to be there. So I called your parents. I called Tyler. I called Mark. And when they all told me that they had no idea where you were, do you know how fucking scared I got?’

Aaron stays silent for a while and Josh only looks at him in the eye for a few seconds before opening his mouth to say something. But once again, his boyfriend is faster than him and doesn’t let him the time to speak.

‘I’m sorry, okay?’ Aaron says. ‘I’m sorry to be so mad but… Josh you weren’t answering any of my calls and I was so worried. And I know I may be overreacting and I’m sorry for this but… I just… I know you’re not feeling very well lately, okay?’ He adds, approaching him to place his right hand on the back of his neck. ‘And I don’t know what’s going on in this beautiful head of yours but you’ve got to talk to me alright? I’m your boyfriend. I love you Josh.’

And Josh suddenly can’t take it anymore and he’s bursting into tears. He’s sobbing and Aaron slowly takes him in his arms, carefully. Josh feels silly. He feels silly and he feels ashamed because it’s the first time he’s letting himself go like that in front of him, but he doesn’t have it in him to pretend that everything is fine. And so he just cries. He cries, and a few tears are falling on Aaron’s jumper but this one doesn’t seem to mind and continue stroking Josh’s hair gently.

‘What’s going on, Josh?’

‘I’m sorry.’ Josh says and starts sobbing again. ‘I’m sorry. Fuck I’m sorry, I’m-’

‘Hey.’ Aaron cuts him off. ‘Josh, we’re okay. We’re okay, alright?’ He adds. ‘Come.’ He says, taking his hand in his to guide them on the couch. Here, they sit down and Aaron places his two hands on Josh’s cheeks to then let them run through his black hair once again. ‘Talk to me.’

‘I just… I just freaked out.’ Josh starts, looking down at his knees but still holding Aaron’s hand to keep himself grounded. ‘I know we… I know we’ve been dating for a year Azz and I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life but… But I just didn’t have it in me to feel happy today. Because Azz I’m leaving tomorrow for two months and I’m terrified of being away from you for that long. And you’re right. I love the band and I love touring but… Every single one of my relationship ended because of it and I just… I’m so in love with you Azz I would hate myself for letting that happen again.’

‘Josh...'

‘No listen to me, please.' He cuts him off. 'I... I feel so safe. Around you. I feel so safe and you make me so fucking happy and I… You’re the last person I want to hurt. And maybe we’ll get through it this time, but what about next time? And then the next? And the next? And-’

‘Josh, look at me.’ Aaron says with a gentle voice, and Josh slowly looks up at him. ‘We’re going to be okay, alright? I know we will. And I can’t promise you that we’ll stay together for a long time because… I’m not psychic, you know? Maybe we won’t. Maybe you’ll end up being tired of me. Maybe we’ll end up hating each other. Maybe you’ll break up with me. Maybe I will. But… But the thing is, it’s not likely, is it? We’re doing so great right now, Josh, try and focus on that, okay? And I know you’re scared of the tour, and I’m sorry I implied the contrary, I was just mad and scared, but it wasn’t fair. I know you’re scared. I am too. It’s okay to be scared, you know. It means you care. But we’ll make it work. And you know, I… I talked to Tyler about that, and… He told me that after this album, you both wanted to take some time off. To take it slow.’

‘Yeah, that’s… That’s true, I… I know they’re planning to have a child.’

‘See?’ Aaron says with a warm smile. ‘I love you so much too, Josh.’ He adds, and Josh only wraps his arms around his neck.

‘I don’t deserve you.’ Josh eventually says and Aaron only lets out a small laugh.

‘Stop talking nonsense, alright?’ He answers. ‘God it’s already 10pm. Do you want something to eat? What did you even do during the whole afternoon?’

‘I… I freaked out so I went for a walk to try and clear my head. I was so deep in my thoughts and my cellphone was on silent mode. I’m sorry for scaring you.’

‘That’s alright.’ Aaron answers. ‘Are you hungry? I didn’t want to eat without you but I was freaking out too much and Tyler made me.’

‘He did good.’ Josh only says. ‘I’m not very hungry, I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t apologize. We can finish it tomorrow at lunch before you leave for the airport. What do you want to do, then?’

‘I just want to feel close to you.’ Josh eventually answers.

‘Sex, then?’ Aaron asks and Josh can’t help but to burst out laughing.

‘God, you’re so...’

‘What? Tell me I’m wrong.’

‘You’re not.’

Aaron gives him a warm smile and wastes no time to press their lips together. His two hands are placed on the back of his neck and Josh wraps his arms around his back to bring him closer. But it’s not enough. He’s leaving his boyfriend for two months in less than 24 hours and Josh just needs to feel him close. And so he’s just kissing him a little bit harder and moves his hand to his waist, earning a content sigh from Aaron who only straightens up a little more and places himself on his lap. Josh’s mouth gradually moves from his lips to his neck so he can suck on the soft flesh of the younger boy. He can hear Aaron’s breathing getting more and more erratic and when this one gets his hips moving against his crotch, a small whimper escapes his lips and he helps him by guiding his hips in a circular motion because it’s the only thing he can think of to relieve the pressure and the eagerness going through his body.

He’s still busy kissing his neck but then he can feel Aaron lowering his head and he knows this one wants him to look up. As soon as their eyes meet, his boyfriend crashes their lips together a second time, without stopping the movements of his hips. Josh is now kissing him with a sense of urgency and Aaron suddenly places his two hands on the back of his neck to make him stop.

‘Josh I’m not going anywhere, alright? You’re only leaving tomorrow, we can take our time, okay?’

‘Yeah, I… I know. Sorry.’

‘Don’t apologize.’ Aaron only says, before being back at kissing him. Josh slowly slips his hands under his shirt and as he let them roam on his torso and his arms, Aaron decides to take it off and quickly does the same with Josh’s who only complies happily. Josh’s hands are then back on his waist and he can’t help but to smile against his boyfriend’s lips when this one lets out a load moan.

‘Bedroom.’ Aaron says and Josh only nods. His boyfriend crosses his legs behind his back when this one gets up and Josh carries him to their bedroom.

They soon fall onto the mattress, Aaron on top of him, and this one slowly moves his lips from Josh’s mouth to his neck, to his shoulders, to his chest, each time a little lower than before. At this point, Josh is already desperate for something more and he knows Aaron can sense it because this one is suddenly back at kissing him and pushes his hips down to his crotch to create more friction and Josh just forgets how to breathe. He groans and eventually decides to flip him over to take the rein of the grinding session. He places his hands on Aaron’s belt and waits for him to nod to get rid of his pants.

For a few seconds, he does nothing and just admires his boyfriend. This one is out of breath and his eyes are closed and Josh just loves watching him lose all his self-control.

‘Dude you know I hate it when you do that.’

‘When I do what?’

‘When you stop everything just to look at me.’

‘I can’t help it. You’re beautiful.’

Aaron lets out a small laugh but doesn’t answer. Instead, he just brings his hands to his jean, quickly unbuttoning it to undress him. Josh looks at him for a few more seconds and eventually places his right hand behind his neck to kiss him, slowly. Aaron is a breathless mess under him and Josh only grinds against him with much more vigor and as his hand slides under his boyfriend’s underwear, Aaron lets his head fall back against the pillow and cries out in pleasure, earning a loud groan from Josh, who only strokes his length a few times

‘Oh god, Josh, stop it or else I’m gonna-

‘What do you want, Azz?’

‘You know exactly what I want you teasing bastard, I swear to god, I-’ But he doesn’t have time to finish his sentence that Josh shuts him up by kissing him, letting out a small laugh against his lips.

‘I’m always surprised by how vulgar you can be in bed.’ Josh says. ‘If your mom could hear you right n-’

‘Dude, stop talking about my mom and fucking get on with it! Please.’

And Josh happily obliges. And in that moment, he’s not thinking about the fact that they’re about to be separated for almost two months. He’s not thinking about the fact that he’s going to leave him there, in this apartment. He’s only thinking about the beautiful human-being facing him, only thinking about how good he wants to make him feel. And as he moves in him and as Aaron suddenly reaches his climax, he just knows that everything is going to be okay, as long as he’s there, by his side. And if he also finds himself thinking about marrying him as he lets go as well a few seconds later, then nobody needs to know about it.

 

Josh wakes up the next morning by feeling Jim lick his face. He slowly opens his eyes and smiles a little bit when he sees his dog on top of him.

‘Ready to go on tour, Jim?’ Josh asks, running his fingers a few times through the dog’s fur. His eyes then fall on his boyfriend still fast asleep in his arms and when he sees that it is already 11am, he kisses him on the forehead and runs his hands through his brown – almost red- hair.

‘Mornin’’ Aaron eventually says and Josh only pecks him on the lips and gets up to lock himself in the bathroom. He takes a quick shower and then lets Aaron do the same before making his way towards the kitchen. Here, he grabs two plates, and takes the leftovers of the dinner Aaron had prepared out of the fridge, letting out a small sigh when he realized that this one even made the effort to bake his favorite desert. Lemon pie. He puts the two plates on the table and looks up at his boyfriend when this one takes a seat on one of the stool.

‘I’m sorry.’ Josh eventually says.

‘For what?’

‘Yesterday night. I know you wanted us to spend a nice time and you took such a long time to prepare everything and I’m sorry. It was so out of line.’

‘Josh, it’s okay.’ Aaron simply answers with a small smile.

‘It's not. It's really not and I'm sorry.' Josh repeats. 'Happy one-year anniversary, love.’ Josh says, handing him the gift he had bought him a few weeks ago.

‘Josh, I didn’t get you anything.’ Aaron says, embarrassed.

‘You did. You baked during a fuck tons of hours just so we could have a good time.’

Aaron’s eyes eventually fall on the packet and he tears the wrapping paper to reveal a harness and climbing shoes.

‘You told me you wanted to start climbing again with your brother.’

‘Thank you, Josh.’ Aaron only says, and stands up to kiss him on the lips for a few seconds.

‘I’m not gonna be here for your birthday Azz, it’s the least I could do.’

They eat in silence and Josh does his best to avoid talking about the tour and to focus the conversation on Aaron’s job instead. This one is still on probation period but he’s doing great and Josh is so proud of him. Soon enough, they’re out of the apartment and make their way towards his best-friend’s house. Tyler’s father is driving them to the airport and the knot in Josh’s stomach only gets tighter when he sees the suitcase of his best-friend already in the car. It’s time.

Tyler gets out of the house as soon as he sees them and takes Josh in his arms for a few seconds.

‘All good?’ He asks, making sure that things are okay between Aaron and him.

‘Yeah.’ And he wants to say more but Tyler’s father already ask them to hurry, looking at his watch nervously.

‘Dad, we have time, don’t stress yourself out.’

Josh only lets out a small laugh and makes his way towards Aaron who is currently talking with Jenna. This one gets on the car to leave them alone and Josh wastes no time to take his boyfriend in his arm. This one wraps his arms around his shoulders and hides his face in the crook of his neck, and Josh is having a hard time holding back his tears. He can see Jenna stealing some pictures of the two of them but he says nothing and closes his eyes.

‘I love you.’ He eventually whispers after a few seconds.

‘Love you too. So much.’ Aaron only answers and Josh can hear this one is crying. ‘But you know who else loves you?’ He asks, placing his hands on his black hair and pressing their foreheads together. ‘Your fans. They need you, man. They need you out there. So go. I’ll be fine.’

Josh only nods and watches Aaron as this one squats next to Jim to run his fingers on the dog’s fur, letting the animal lick his face a few times. ‘You take good care of him, alright? I’m counting on you.’ He says and Josh can’t help but to let a few tears rolling down his cheeks.

Aaron stands up another time and presses their lips together for a few seconds, and when this one is about to move away, Josh places his right hand on the back of his neck to kiss him a few more times.

‘Alright go, I can see Tyler’s father sweating in the car.’ Aaron says, earning a small laugh from Josh. He kisses him one last time and goes in the car. He waits for Jim to join him and close the door; he can see Aaron hiding his eyes with one of his hands and he just knows this one is crying but doesn't want him to see. He embraces Jim and lets out a sob when Tyler wraps one of his arms around his shoulders.

He stays silent during the whole ride, and tries to focus on his best-friend’s presence. Tyler talks a bit with his father about the tour and Jenna only places his hand on Josh’s, holding it tight.

Once in the airport and waiting for the boarding, Tyler takes a seat next to Josh and places his hand on his knee.

‘You’re feeling better?’

‘Yeah. Don’t worry, I just… I just need some time, you know.’

‘I’m so sorry we have to leave for so long, man.’

‘Dude, no.’ Josh instantly says. ‘I can’t wait to play in Europe. I love it there. I just… It’s a long time. And I’m going to miss him so much but I’ll be fine. Don’t ever apologize for this. I just need to mope and be sad for a few hours.’

‘What happened yesterday?’

‘I just freaked out because of the distance and I… I guess I just got scared our relationship will end like every single relationship I've had so far.’

‘I really don’t think it will, Josh. You know we talked about you, Aaron and I, during the US tour. We talked about the distance, about the band, about his job and… Dude, he really cares about you, alright?’

‘I know.’ Josh only says. ‘Tyler, I think I want to propose to him.’ He finally says and Tyler opens his eyes wide and gives him a large smile.

‘Dude, really?’

‘Yeah… I mean I know we’ve only been dating for a year, and… It’s not that much but… I don’t know, I just love him. And we… We already talked about it a few weeks ago and I know… I know this is something he wants. Maybe he doesn’t expect me to propose so soon but I guess I-’

‘He’s going to say yes, man, no doubt about that.’ Tyler says with a huge smile. ‘Dude I’m so excited to be your best-man.’

‘Bold of you to assume you’re going to be the best-man.’ And Josh only laughs a bit more when Tyler pretends to be mad and just stands up and makes his way towards the bathroom without saying anything. He takes his cellphone in his hand and scrolls through his Instagram and stops at one of Jenna’s post.

‘ _Happy one-year anniversary to these two cuties.’_

There is one picture of the two of them and two videos. The first one only shows Jenna and Aaron having the time of their life during My Blood and Josh can’t help but to laugh at how goofy his boyfriend's dance moves look. In the second one, he can hear himself drumming pretty hard but the camera is focused on Aaron who can’t seem to stop jumping and Josh’s smile only gets bigger when this one only screams: ‘That’s my boy!’ right before the video stops.

A second Instagram post from Aaron himself gets his attention. It’s a picture of them hugging which Josh recognizes to be one of the pictures Jenna took this morning. His eyes eventually fall on the caption and Josh’s heart is suddenly filled with love.

‘ _Leaving him today was so hard but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know you guys need him too and he needs you just as much. Show him some love during this tour, would you?_

_See you in two months, drummer boy. I’ll miss you. But I’d be willing to wait a lifetime more if it means you’re out there, living your dream._

_I love you, Josh. ’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked this one, I nearly cried writing it because I'm soft.  
> Anyway, I have an exam tomorrow and other things planned this week so probably won't be able to post something until next week!  
> Also I'm seeing Twenty One Pilots in exactly 40 days and I swear to god I am not READY.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh picks a ring

It’s Aaron’s birthday. Josh is in his hotel room in Bologna and he’s been laying down on his bed for a few hours now, just watching the ceiling. It’s not rare for him, to just stare at something in particular in his room and reflect on his life for a while. And today, he can’t quite believe how far he’s come. He’s thinking of the early years of Twenty One Pilots, when they were barely filling a 500 people capacity venue, when they had to sleep in this old van or share crappy hotel rooms on the road. Even back then, he wouldn’t have had it any other way. But to compare their old life to the one they have now is overwhelming. They’ve grown so much, as a band, but also as people. Traveling, discovering new cities, new cultures, new people, it does something to your mind. Josh is more mature now, he’s more open-minded, he’s more tolerant. He can feel it.

But he wouldn’t be half the man he is today if it wasn’t for Aaron. Josh knows they have only been dating for a year but he can’t help but to see how much he’s changed. During the first few months of their relationship, Josh was paying too much attention to the way people looked at him, he used to be careful not to be overly affectionate in public. He still does today, but not because he’s ashamed, not because he’s scared of people’s reactions, but because he wants it to be that way. Aaron changed him for the better. He helped him find his authentic self, he helped him to get rid of all the barriers that were holding him back. He helped him free himself, in a way, and Josh would never be able to thank him enough.

And if he wasn’t sure two weeks ago, it seems clear to him now.

He wants to marry him.

It’s not rare for him to think about the other man, and he always comes to the same conclusion: He wants to spend the rest of his life with him. And just as he’s about to get up and makes his way outside the hotel, Tyler barges into his room with a huge smile on his face.

‘What’s up, loser?’ Tyler asks, letting himself fall onto the bed, next to Josh.

‘You mind going to the city center with me?’

‘I was more thinking of playing Mario Kart all day long’ Tyler answers. ‘Why? What do you have in mind?’

‘Well, I… I was wondering if you could help me choose a ring? For Aaron?’

‘Dude, really?’ Tyler exclaims with a huge smile. ‘Oh my god yes! Let’s go!’ He adds, standing up and offering Josh a hand to help him stand up as well.

‘What about Jenna?’Josh asks, unsure.

‘What about her?’

‘I just… I don’t want everyone to know just yet so… I want you there with me cause you’re my best-friend and all, but…’

‘No one else?’

‘No one else.’

‘Don’t worry, man, she’s with Mark and Brad at the moment. I’ll text her and tell her I want to spend some quality time with my favorite drummer. Now, move. We’re going.’

The city center is only a ten minutes walk away from their hotel and they soon find themselves in the middle of a large shopping street. Tyler still has a huge smile on his face and Josh can’t help but to let out a small laugh at the sight. His best-friend almost seems more enthusiastic than he is and when this one pushes him towards a jewelry store, Josh follows him inside the shop and stops at the rings’ window display, where Tyler already seems to inspect every single one of them. And even though the selection for men’s rings is a lot less wide and varied than the one for women’s rings, Josh still finds himself overwhelmed by all the different models and all the different colors.

‘That’s… That’s too many rings, dude, I… I can’t- I don’t know how to choose, I-’

‘Hey man, breathe, alright?’ Tyler says, looking up at him. ‘Everything’s going to be alright. You’ve been there for me when I freaked out at the idea of proposing to Jenna, so I’ll be there for you and Aaron every step of the way, okay?’

‘O-okay.’

‘First: What do you think he’d like? Something original? Out of the ordinary? Simple?’

‘Simple. Definitely simple.’

‘Yeah. That’s what I thought, too.’ Tyler says. ‘Man, I can’t believe you’re going to get married!’

‘Yeah, well… He still has to say yes.’ Josh answers, worried.

‘Josh, he’s going to say yes, alright?’

‘How can you be so sure?’ Josh asks, his voice still trembling. ‘I mean… Tyler, it’s only been one year. We’ve only been dating for a year. Maybe… Maybe it’s too soon. Maybe I should wait for a bit. What if I propose to him and he just… He just says he needs to think about it, or… What if he tells me he’s not ready to commit, I… I don’t want to lose him over this, I just… Maybe it will only make things worse, I… I don’t know what I was thinking, man, I’m stupid, I just-’

‘Josh.’ Tyler cuts him off, placing his two hands on his shoulders. ‘Look at me.’ He adds, waiting for Josh to do so before speaking again with a much more determined voice. ‘He’s going to say yes. If he already explicitly told you it’s something he wants, then I wouldn’t worry too much about it if I were you, alright?’

‘I… I guess.’

‘Josh, I know you guys have only been dating for a year but… I’ve never seen you like this, Josh.’ Tyler starts. ‘You know, I… I noticed that something was different with you, back then. You seemed more… You seemed more at peace with yourself. You seemed more serene. And I didn’t know you were with someone because I’m an oblivious dumb-ass so I just thought it had something to do with the hiatus.’ He adds. ‘I know how much it costs you to go out there every night, I know how nerve wracking it is for you to do interviews, to speak in public, and I… I don’t know I guess I just supposed you were feeling better because of the hiatus, because we didn’t have any obligations, except for making the album. I even wondered at some point, if… If you really wanted to keep making music. I mean I know how much you love going on tour but… I thought… I thought that maybe it was too much for you. I thought that maybe I was asking too much from you.’

‘Tyler… You should have talked to me about it.’

‘I know. And I wanted to. But then, you came out to me and you told me you were dating this guy called Aaron, and I just… It wasn’t too hard to do the math, then. But it’s not really the point. All I want to say is… He’s so good for you, Josh. You want this, okay? I now you do. And he explicitly told you this is something he wants too.'

‘Yeah, he did, but...’

‘He wants this, Josh. Okay?’

‘Yeah… Okay.’

‘Now, let’s choose this ring, alright? What color do you think he’ll like the most?’

‘Hum… I’m pretty sure he would like something discreet.’

‘Okay, so let’s focus on these ones, yeah?’ Tyler says, pointing at a few rings on the right.

Josh only nods and lets his eyes fall on the more discreet models he can see. He still feels a bit overwhelmed but eventually takes a deep breath and decides to proceed by elimination and to think about what Aaron would say. He’s pretty sure this one wouldn’t like the gold color and would focus on the silver or black rings, but then his eyes fall on a particular ring. It’s a thin one. _White gold_ is written on a piece of paper right next to it and Josh just knows this is the ring he needs.

‘This one.’ He only says, and Tyler looks down at the ring and smiles at his best-friend.

‘This one it is, then.’ And Josh lets him talk with the sales assistant who only smiles at them and carefully picks the ring, making sure its size fits the one Josh stole from Aaron’s bedside table’s drawer. She places it in a red jewelry box and gives it to him once the payment done.

‘Are you going to propose to him?’ She says, out of the blue, and Josh quickly looks up at her, realizing she must be a fan.

‘Oh, hum… Yeah. But if you could-’

‘I won’t say anything. If this is what you were going to ask me. I promise. But congratulations.’ She still adds with a large smile and Josh only thanks her silently. ‘Sorry if it was intrusive, I’m just a huge fan, and… Well I’m going to see you guys in two days.’

‘Don’t worry.’ Josh hears Tyler saying while he’s taking a picture of the ring with his phone. ‘I hope you’ll enjoy the show.’

They keep talking for a while but Josh eventually leaves the shop, with the box in his inner pocket. Tyler joins him soon after and gently taps him on the shoulder with a smile.

‘Tyler.’ Josh suddenly says after a few seconds. ‘I’m going to get married.’ He adds, suddenly hit with the realization. ‘I’m going to get married.’ He repeats a little louder.

‘That’s right, my man!’ Tyler only answers with a smile, while taking him in his arms. ‘I’m so happy for you, dude.’

‘Thank you.’ Josh gives him a warm smile and quickly sends the picture of the ring to Aaron’s brother.

‘ _Do you think your brother will like it?’_

And the answer doesn’t take too long to come up on his screen.

‘ _Wait.’_

‘ _Dude, what the FUCK?’_

‘ _Are you planning to propose to my brother?’_

Josh lets out a small laugh, and Tyler does too, because his best-friend is obviously looking over his shoulder.

‘ _Maybe I am?’_

‘ _Oh my god.’_

‘ _What do you think he’ll say? I’m nervous. And oh god, what about your mom? I should have come to her, first.’_

‘ _Okay dude. First: What kind of stupid question is that? We both know he’s going to say yes, he’s head over heels for you. And second: Josh, breathe. We’re in the 21 st century, you didn’t have to ask our mom first. But if it can reassure you, I just freaked out in the house and she heard me. So I told her and she’s very excited about the news. Oh, she’s crying now, even.’ _

‘ _Aw. She’s so sweet.’_

‘ _When are you planning to propose to him?’_

‘ _Once I get back home. Probably the day after.’_

‘ _Keep me updated, okay? And enjoy the tour!’_

‘ _Will do.’_

‘You’re feeling better?’ Tyler asks, while they’re both making their way back to the hotel.

‘Yeah. A bit.’

Once Josh is back in his hotel room, he lets himself fall on his bed and he’s soon back at contemplating his ceiling, but this time with a small smile on his face. He quickly takes his cellphone out of his jean’s pocket and calls Aaron who doesn’t take too long to answer.

‘Hey Josh.’ This one says, and Josh can hear a lot of noise in the background.

‘Happy birthday, sweetheart. How are you doing?’

‘Thanks, dude.’ And Josh can’t help but to let out a small laugh at the nickname. Aaron used to call him like that all the time when they were only friends, and Josh thought the nickname would change when they decided to take their relationship to the next level, but it never did, and maybe Josh only loves him a bit more. ‘I’m good.’ Aaron adds after a few seconds. ‘ I miss you.’ He still says, after a while.

‘I miss you too.’ Josh only answers, frowning when the noise gets a bit louder.

'Josh, I’m very sorry but I can’t talk much, I have to get ready for work, I’m already late enough at it is. I’ll talk to you later?’

‘Yeah.’ Josh says, a bit disappointed. ‘Yeah, talk to you later.’

‘You’re doing okay in there, Josh?’

‘Yeah, I… We’re just not talking much these days.’

‘I know.’ Aaron says, and Josh knows his boyfriend and hopefully soon-to-be husband stopped what he was doing because the noise suddenly comes to an end. ‘Time difference really sucks, right?’ He adds, and Josh only chuckles.

‘It does.’ He answers. ‘But go. I don’t want you to be late.’

‘Call me again, later, would you? It’s a day off today, right? Bologna?’

‘Yeah.’ Josh says, smiling,

‘Why are you smiling?’ Aaron asks.

‘How do you know I’m smiling?’

‘Your voice is different when you do.’ And Josh smiles a bit more.

‘I just love it that you always know exactly where I am.’

‘Of course I always know where you are, dummy.’ Aaron says. ‘I didn’t tell you but I placed an electronic chip in your arm before you left for the European tour, when you were asleep. And now I can track your every move.'

‘Right.’ Josh only answers, laughing. ‘Didn’t know my boyfriend was a stalker.’

‘You’ll have to get used to it.’ Aaron says. ‘Nah, just kidding. I just created a calendar in my phone with every single one of your shows.’

‘That’s sweet.’

‘Not really, but okay. Whatever you say, love.’ Aaron answers. ‘Alright, I really need to go, now. Love you.’

‘Love you too, Azz.’ And with that, Josh hangs up.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Not very proud of this one but hope you liked it.   
> Updates will be more spaced out cause I'm very busy/tired/anxious lately. Sorry for that. Tell me what you think :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh proposes to Aaron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert: It's cheesy.

_Today’s the day –_ Josh thinks while the plane is losing altitude. They’re about to land and Josh can feel his heart pounding hard against his chest. He’s proposing to Aaron tonight. It’s been days – weeks, even – since he planned the whole thing and he’s finally going to propose tonight.

He’s ready, or at least he thought he was. But as the plane finally touches the ground, the knot in his stomach only tightens a little bit more. He takes a deep breath and tries to smile at his best-friend who is looking at him with a compassionate expression. It wasn’t rare for him during this past few weeks to panic and to be on the verge of a panic attack and Tyler has been there for him for each one of them. And Josh knows he’s not being rational. He does. In all likelihood, Aaron is going to say yes. Tyler usually manages to reassure him but sometimes his anxiety gets the best of him. Sometimes, he can’t stop his brain from playing every other possible scenario over and over again in his head. _What if he says no? What if he says he’s too soon? What if he says he wants to think about it? What if he says that he’s not ready to commit?_

Josh closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, taking this red jewelry box out of the inner pocket of his jacket and looks at the ring for a few seconds, trying to reason with himself. Today’s the day – He thinks. There’s no going back.

‘You’re okay.’ Tyler says, placing one of his hands on his shoulder. ‘Everything’s going to be okay, alright?’

‘Yeah… Yeah, you’re probably right.’

‘He is.’ Jenna adds with a warm smile, and Josh only smiles back at her, nervously.

Josh should have known that, by telling Tyler about the proposal, Jenna would soon also be in the confidence. His best-friend has never been able to keep any secrets from his wife and Josh sometimes wonders why he keeps expecting Tyler to stay quiet.

He gets up after a few seconds and gathers his belongings before making his way outside the plane, Mark and Brad right behind him. These ones also know about the proposal, Josh decided to tell them a few weeks ago, as he needed to ask Brad to sneak in in the park where he planned to propose to take a few pictures when he would pop up the question.

He follows Tyler within the countless corridors of the airport and after showing his passport to the air hostess, he enters the huge hall where Aaron is supposed to be waiting for him. He goes on walking for a few seconds and gives a warm smile to the fans all gathered behind a barrier. Usually, he would take some of his time to walk to them and take a few pictures but today, he doesn’t have it in him. There’s someone much dearer to him who is waiting patiently somewhere in this hall and Josh is eager to see his face again. Josh sweeps the crowd until his eyes finally fall on Aaron, and a large smile instantly stretches his lips. This one hasn’t seen him yet, by the way his eyes keep looking around and Josh is about to wave at him when Tyler speaks to him.

‘I suppose I’ll see you tomorrow, right?’ Tyler asks and Josh only nods. ‘Keep me updated, okay? And remember: You got this.’

‘Yeah.’ Josh only says, his eyes still on Aaron. ‘Thank you, man.’

And he doesn’t register what Tyler answers because he eventually catches Aaron's eyes and this one smiles largely at him. They’re only separated by a few meters but it doesn’t stop Aaron from running towards him and falling on his neck. Josh wraps his arms around his back and buries his face into the crook of his neck, closing his eyes.

‘I missed you so fucking much.’ Aaron whispers against his shoulder.

‘I missed you more.’ Josh only answers, placing one of his hands on his air.

‘Debatable.’ Aaron adds, and Josh can’t help but to let out a small laugh, letting go of the embrace only to put his two hands on the back of his neck to press their lips together. He can hear his fans shouting behind him and he’s pretty sure that some of them are taking pictures or even a video of the scene but it’s the last thing he cares about. At the moment, he only cares about how much he missed the boy in his arms.

‘Ready to go home?’ Aaron asks after a few seconds, before glancing at the fans. ‘You don’t wanna go to them for a while?’

‘Nah. I only have a long week off and I’m planing on spending every single day with you.’

‘That’s cute.’ Aaron says, smiling. This one takes Josh’s hand in his and starts walking towards his car.

‘How was work this morning?’ Josh asks. ‘Your probation period ends next week, right?’

‘Yeah, they told me I did great so I officially have a permanent contract!’ Aaron says and this one sounds so enthusiastic that Josh can’t help but to smile.

‘Really? That’s awesome, Azz. I’m so proud of you, although I’m not surprised.’ Josh answers, kissing him on the cheek.

Josh gets into the car and sits down on the front passenger seat, letting Aaron place his suitcase on the trunk. He places his right hand on the upper part of his chest and takes a deep breath when he feels the fabric of the red jewelry box. He takes his cellphone out of his jean’s pocket and his heart only beats a little bit faster when he reads the two new messages he has.

_From: Brad: ‘Keep me updated for tonight, alright? I’ll be in the park around 10pm like you told me but send me a text when you get out of the restaurant so I can prepare myself. Physically, but also emotionally.’_

_From: Jordan: ‘Good luck with the proposal, bro! I want every single detail afterwards.’_

He doesn’t take the time to answer to any of them and instead focuses on Aaron who is silently driving the car next to him. This one is glancing at him and gives him a small smile when he catches Josh’s eyes.

‘You’re okay?’ Aaron asks, placing his right hand on his knee. ‘You seem a bit tense.’

‘Yeah, I… I’m okay.’ Josh says, giving him a smile. He can see his boyfriend is not quite convinced but this one doesn’t push him and takes his hand in his instead, keeping his eyes on the road. ‘I love you.’ Josh blurts out.

‘I love you too.’ Aaron only answers, holding his hand a little tighter. Josh intertwines their fingers together and presses a small kiss on his knuckles. ‘Do you want to do something special tonight?’ Aaron asks and Josh lets out a nervous laugh, running one of his hands through his hair. ‘Maybe I can bake something? What do you want to eat?’

‘I’m taking you out tonight.’ Josh only says with a smile.

‘You’re taking me out? For what kind of occasion?’

‘We haven’t seen each other for two whole months, Azz. Seems special enough to me.’

‘Fair enough. Then we should book a table somewhere.’

‘Already did.’ Josh only answers. ‘Don’t ask me where we’re going. It’s a surprise.’

‘Okay.’ Aaron says, smiling a bit more.

After a forty-five minutes ride, Aaron finally parks the car on their reserved parking spot and they’re soon back in their apartment. Josh places all of his clothes in the washing machine and puts a load on before joining Aaron in the bedroom. This one seems to be busy tidying his shelves and Josh only gives him a small smile and lays down on his bed, closing his eyes.

‘Tired?’ Aaron asks.

‘Exhausted.’ Josh clarifies.

‘We don’t need to go out if you’re worn out, you know. You’ve just been touring for two months and with the time difference… You need to rest.’ Aaron says, lying down besides him. This one wraps one of his arms around his waist and places his head on Josh’s chest, pressing a few kisses on his shoulders.

‘I think I just need to take a quick nap.’ Josh says, running his hand through Aaron’s hair. ‘You mind?’

‘Of course not.’ His boyfriend answers, letting go of the embrace to give him some space. He still lays down next to him and Josh slowly opens his eyes to look at him for a few seconds. He smiles at him when this one places his hand on his cheek before running his fingers through his hair. ‘You sleep. I’ll wake you up at 7pm, how does that sound?’

‘Sounds great.’ Josh says, smiling. ‘Sorry for not being too chatty, I’m just...’

‘J, you’re tired. I understand, alright?’ He says, kissing him on the forehead. ‘We can talk a bit more later tonight. Now, sleep.’ He adds, kissing him again, this time on the lips. Josh only nods, and closes his eyes, falling asleep almost instantly.

A few hours later, Josh wakes up with a start when his neighbor slams the door of his own apartment. He sighs and rubs his eyes for a few seconds, looking up at Aaron when this one carefully opens the door of their bedroom to check up on him.

‘Oh you’re awake!’ He says, taking a seat on the bed.

‘Yeah.’ Josh only answers. ‘Fucking neighbor.’ He adds. ‘What time is it?’

‘It’s almost 7.’

‘We should get ready.’ Josh says, getting up. He takes a few steps in the living-room and puts on his jacket, not without checking that the red jewelry box is still in his inner pocket first. He then waits for Aaron besides the front door and unlocks his cellphone, reading the message Tyler has just sent him.

‘ _How are you feeling?’_

‘ _I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up.’_

‘ _Take a deep breath and try to focus on something else for a while, alright? You’re going to be just fine. I know you will.’_

‘ _Thanks, man.’_

And his best-friend is right. For the most part, the dinner goes well. Josh knows Aaron can feel he’s more absent-minded than usual, more preoccupied, but this one doesn’t say anything and tries to take his mind off things by talking about his job instead. Josh knows his boyfriend probably doesn’t want to push him and waits for him to open up. Like he always does. And that’s just another thing Josh loves about him. This one always knows when to push him and when to respect his boundaries. He probably knows him better than he knows himself, and sometimes that scares him a little. And as Aaron keeps talking about what he’s been up to during the tour, Josh just knows that he’s ready to start a life with him.

‘What about you?’ Aaron says, taking a bite of his dessert. ‘What’s the next step? Are you going to go back to Europe?’

‘Yeah, probably.’ Josh says. ‘Later this year.’

‘Alright, you should let me know when exactly cause this time, I’m coming with you.’

‘Is it something you can do? With your work?’ Josh asks.

‘Maybe not the whole tour but for a few weeks, yeah.’

They talk a bit more about the European tour and Josh is quite amused by all the questions Aaron is asking him. He never thought he would meet someone more curious than his mom and his boyfriend proved him wrong.

For a while, Josh almost finds himself forgetting about the proposal but the dinner slowly comes to an end and he's soon out of the restaurant, waiting for Aaron who eventually gets out as well. Josh looks at him for a few seconds and when this one gives him a warm smile, he suddenly remembers what he’s about to do and his heart starts speeding up against his chest. He stays here, in the middle of the street, with a lump in his throat, unable to move, and it’s only when Aaron carefully places his two hands on the back of his neck that Josh is being brought back to reality.

‘J, hey… What’s going on, sweetie?’

‘I… Sorry, I’m just… I’m just a bit distracted.’ Josh says, taking his cellphone to send a quick message to Brad.

‘ _We’re on our way.’_

‘Maybe we can walk around the park for a while? I think I need some fresh air.’

‘Of course.’ Aaron only answers, taking his hand in his, guiding him towards the entrance. ‘You’re feeling okay? You sure you don’t need to sit down for a few minutes?’ His boyfriend asks, taking a few steps towards the corner where Josh has planned to propose. It is surrounded by a few trees and a street lamp is standing nearby, so that Brad can manage to take a few pictures.

‘I just… I need to tell you something.’

‘Okay?’ Aaron answers, confused. ‘Is it bad?’

‘No. Not bad.’

‘I’m listening, then.’ Aaron says with a reassuring smile.

‘It might... It might be confusing so bear with me, alright?' Josh says, and waits for Aaron to nod to go on. 'Okay so I... I guess I'll start from the beginning... When… When I was a teenager, I… I was so scared. About everything. It wasn’t just a bit of stress like everyone likes to assume, it was… It was a constant fear. A paralyzing one. At first, I thought I was just going through some kind of teenage angst you know, but then, it… It just wouldn’t go away. And so I just decided to see a therapist. I went to see three of them, actually and… My parents still don’t know about it. We’re a close family but we’re not really used to talk much… To really talk, I mean. About things that matter. About our feelings.’

He never planned of saying all those things to Aaron. But as he looks up at him, this one is watching him with such a great attention that Josh can’t help but to go on. And open up like he never did before.

‘I guess what I want to say is… I wasn’t the happiest boy back then. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything but they all seemed to think that I had some form of anxiety. I’ve never taken any medicine but… I worked so hard. To try and get rid of this fear. Especially when Twenty One Pilots got bigger. Because I just realized that I couldn’t always hide behind my drums anymore. When you become famous, it just… It always goes hand in hand with interviews… With press conferences and award ceremonies. So I started running. I started boxing and I… I don’t know what it is with working out that helps your body relax but… I guess it’s weirdly satisfying to focus on a pain you’re in control of. It’s not like anxiety… When you run, you can stop the pain. You just have to slow down.’ Josh adds, and he’s surprised to see that a few tears are rolling down Aaron’s cheeks. This one wipes them with the back of his hand and gives him a warm smile, encouraging him to continue.

‘Don’t mind me, just… Go on.’ He still says.

‘It eventually got better. With time, and with experience. Jim helped too, in his own way. But I guess I was still… I was still a bit wary, sometimes. It was still hard. It felt like I… It felt like I wasn’t in complete charge of my own body, almost as if I was dissociating, in a way?’ Josh’s body is still a bit tense and a few tears start rolling down his own cheeks. ‘And then I met you.’ He finally says. ‘And I’m not going to say that everything got better. Cause it wouldn’t be true and also because we’re not in some kind of disney movies.’ He adds, earning a small laugh from his boyfriend. ‘But it did get better. It did. I just… Aaron, there are a million things I want to tell you right now but… But it would take me too long and I don’t even know how to put everything into words. Words just… They just seem trivial, you know? So I’m just going to say that you… You make everything so much easier. You help me in ways you can’t even begin to imagine. I… I don’t know what it is about you but I just… I just need to take a look at you to feel... To feel unstoppable. Sometimes I even feel like you know me better than I know myself, and it freaks me out so much.' Josh adds.  'I used to be so scared of the idea of committing to a long time relationship, and now I… I just can’t imagine a future without you in it. As cheesy as it sounds.’

Josh stays silent for a few seconds and takes a deep breath before unfastening the zipper of his jacket and taking the red jewelry box out of his inner pocket.

‘Oh my god.’ Aaron only says, turning around and placing his two hands on his face. ‘No way.’ He adds with a huge smile on his face.

‘Azz, you know how much I hate speaking in public but the last thing I’m afraid of is to declare my undying love for you in front of everyone.’ He finally says, getting down on one knee. ‘So… Aaron William Atwood… Will you marry me?’

‘No fucking way.’ Aaron only repeats a second time, crying a bit more than a few seconds ago.

‘No fucking way?’ Josh asks with a smile.

‘Of course I’ll marry you, you fucking idiot.’ Aaron says. ‘But did you really have to be so emotional?’ He adds, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his jacket. Josh lets out a small laugh and stands up, putting the ring on his finger.

Aaron doesn’t waste any seconds to wrap his arms around his shoulders and bury his face in the crook of his neck.

‘I love you so much.’ Aaron eventually says after a few seconds.

‘I love you too.’ Josh only answers, closing his eyes.

After a few seconds, Aaron lets go of the embrace and Josh only brings him a bit closer by placing his two hands on the back of his neck to press their lips together. Aaron bites his lower lip to demand access to his mouth and Josh only complies happily.

‘Oh my god, when did you start taking pictures?’ Aaron eventually asks and Josh turns around to face Brad. He was so focused on the proposal that he completely forgot about his friend’s presence.

‘Well, I… let’s say I’ve heard a good part of Josh’s speech.’ Brad says, with bright eyes.

‘Is this why you were feeling nervous?’ Aaron asks, this time to Josh. This one only nods and his newly fiance kisses him on the cheek. ‘Dude, I explicitly told you I wanted to get married, you really thought I would say no?’

‘I don’t know, I just… I freaked out. You know how I am.’

Aaron only gives him a warm smile and takes him in his arms a second time, running one of his hands through his hair, holding him close.

‘Joshua Dun, you’re the sweetest person I know and I feel blessed just knowing you’ll be by my side every single day of my life.’ He whispers against his ear. ‘Now can we please go back home to celebrate?’ He adds with a knowing smile and Josh only lets out a small laugh, rolling his eyes.

‘Someone’s eager.’ He still says after a few seconds.

‘Guys! I’m still there?!’ Brad exclaims with a loud voice and Josh laughs a bit more.

‘Dude, it’s been two months since I haven’t seen this ass, give me a break.’

‘You’re unbelievable.’ Josh says.

‘Shut up, you love me.’

 

 _Yeah._ Josh thinks. _I do._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaron is freaking out over the wedding. Josh is here to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M NOT DEAD I'M SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT. HERE IS ANOTHER CHAPTER

The date is planned. They are getting married on June, the 19th. A day after his birthday. And saying that this is the best birthday gift he could ask for is may be a bit cheesy, now Josh thinks about it, but it's true nonetheless. It really is. And Josh is overwhelmed. He never thought he would feel ready to commit to a long time relationship. He never thought it would happen. But here he is, planning his wedding with a boy he’s not sure to deserve.

All his previous relationships have been so disappointing. All his previous relationship have been so short. And yes you could tell him that him and Aaron were only dating for a year and a half and that getting married after such a short amount of time was crazy. Doomed to fail, even. But Josh has never been so sure of anything in his life. He’s scared. He’s terrified, even, but he doesn’t _doubt_. He doesn’t doubt his decision, even for a second. And maybe it’s a bit naive of him, but being naive and overly optimistic is not a bad thing, sometimes. And Josh has learned to accept that over the years.

He’s at Tyler’s right now. Aaron is currently working and Josh has worked out for a few hours this morning and eventually decided to hang out at his best friend’s place. Josh knows Jenna is at her parent’s and so they’re both laid down on the couch, watching stupid reality shows. And Josh starts getting concerned for his best-friend’s health when he realizes that this one knows the name of every single person participating in this reality show.

‘Dude don’t tell me you’ve been watching this for a week.’

‘Maybe I did.’

‘You’re unbelievable.’

‘Come on, you’re loving it too.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Liar.’ Tyler says, and Josh lets out a small laugh, bringing back his attention to the TV. They just came back from the second leg of their US tour, followed by all the festivals and Josh has never been happier to have a break. These past few months have been rough. He was sick for the most part and even though he still gave everything he had on the drums each night, it has been harder for him to really enjoy it.

‘How are the wedding preparations going?’

‘Well, we… We’re getting there. Slowly. We still have time, though.’ Josh answers with a smile. ‘I’m a bit scared Aaron is going to lose it when we’ll leave for Europe again though.’

‘Why is that?’

‘I don’t know, he just feels… He just feels a bit weird. Something’s off. I think something’s bothering him but I can’t quite put my finger on what. I just hope he’s not having second thoughts about the whole thing.’

‘Dude no way. He’s probably just anxious. Wedding preparations really can get on your nerves you know? You should talk to him.’

‘Yeah, I’ve tried that but let’s say he’s not really… Expressive. At the moment.

‘Give him some time. I’m sure he’ll come around.’

‘Yeah. Maybe you’re right.’

‘I always am, dude. Now forget about it a bit and focus, would you? Kevin is about to break up with Vanessa and there’s no way in hell I’m missing this.’

Josh stays silent for a while and let his eyes fall on the huge screen in front of him but his mind is elsewhere. It’s been a few days already since he can’t get a word from his boyfriend and he starts to worry. This one seems to be on edge, and Josh doesn’t know if he feels overwhelmed by his work or just by the wedding’s preparations. He’s pretty sure it’s a mix of everything and he’s wondering why Aaron still hasn’t opened up. It usually is the other way around. Aaron tends to talk a lot more than he does. He tends to share his feelings a lot faster than him. Josh is usually the one who keeps everything to himself until he can’t anymore and ends up having a panic attack in front of his boyfriend because of how long he bottled up his feelings. And it’s not healthy. Josh knows it all too well, but he’s never been really used to talk about how he felt as a child, he’s never been really used to talk about his fears and deepest insecurities. Except with Tyler, maybe. But Aaron changed that, and even though it’s still hard for him sometimes, he still tries his best to open up a bit more, a bit faster.

And that’s why he’s scared. It used to be a pattern in his behavior, and he doesn’t want that happening to Aaron. He doesn’t want to see his soon-to-be husband withdraw into himself like that. He wants to be there for him. He wants to help, and he only now realizes how frustrating it is to be on that side of things. Seeing someone you love hurting but being unable to do the slightest thing to help them get better.

‘I can hear you thinking man, just relax. Whatever this is, he’s going to open up to you at some point. Trust me.’

Josh is about to say something back to his best-friend when his cellphone starts ringing against the coffee table. At first, he thinks it’s just a message but then Aaron’s brother’s name goes on and off on his screen and Josh frowns. It’s quite rare for him to receive a phone call from Dan and he just knows, deep down, when he picks up, that sometimes is wrong.

‘Hey what’s up?’ He says.

‘Hey Josh… Sorry to bother you man, but could you check up on Azz?’

‘What do you mean? Isn’t he at work?’ Josh asks, earning a curious look from his best-friend who turns down the volume of the TV.

‘Yeah no he… He wasn’t feeling very well this afternoon. He just sent me a text. I’m sorry I thought he had sent it to you too.’

‘No, he… He didn’t send me anything.’ Josh says.’ He’s a bit distant lately.’ He adds, sighing. ‘Is he sick?’

‘No he’s not sick, I just think he’s in a bad place… Mentally speaking. It’s been an hour since he keeps sending me these messages and I… I’m getting worried.’

‘What is he saying?’

‘Well, I… I don’t know if I should go into the details but… He keeps saying that he doesn’t deserve you, that he doesn’t get why you would waste your time with someone like him and… He also talked about our dad. You know.’

‘Fuck.’ Josh says, suddenly feeling very stupid. ‘I should… I should have seen this coming, Dan. Why didn’t I see this coming?’

‘No Josh, don’t… Don’t blame yourself, alright? It’s not on you. It’s just… With the wedding getting closer and closer, it must… It must be hard for him to accept the fact that his own father won’t show up to his wedding. And we’re… We’re in September. Our dad pretty much disowned him at this time of the year so… All the memories must be coming back to him and… Josh, I just think that he needs to talk to you.’

‘Yeah… Yeah. Where is he now?’

‘Home. Your home, I mean.’

‘Okay. I’ll be right there, Dan. I’ll take care of him. I promise.’

‘I know you will, man.’ Aaron’s brother answers. ‘Listen, Josh, I knows he doesn’t really talk to you about our dad and how it all went to hell but… I think it should do him some good. To open up completely about it.’

They talk a bit more but Josh eventually hangs up and lets himself fall on the couch, bringing his two hands to his face. He feels stupid. And guilty. He knows Aaron’s father is out of the picture. He knows the two of them are no longer in speaking terms, yet he was so far away from thinking that this could be the reason why Aaron was a bit anxious lately. It seems obvious, now Josh thinks about it. The wedding is in six months and knowing your own father won’t be standing by your side on this big day, knowing you won’t have the support of both of your parents, he cannot even begin to realize how it must feel like. It must be devastating. He doesn’t waste a second to take his cellphone and send a message to Aaron. Maybe this one will guess that his brother called him but that’s the last thing Josh cares about right now. He just wants his boyfriend to be safe.

‘ _I’m coming home sweetheart. I love you.’_

‘God I’m so fucking stupid.’ Josh says.

‘What’s going on?’

‘He’s having a mental breakdown and I… I should have seen this coming, Tyler.’

‘Do you need me to drive you back home?’

‘Please.’ Josh says and Tyler only nods. They both stand up and his best-friend switches off the television before taking his car keys.

‘What’s going on with him?’ Tyler asks, his eyes on the road.

‘He’s not feeling well. I guess he’s just having a hard time accepting the fact that his father won’t be there for our wedding.’

‘Oh man I forgot about that part… It must be tough.’

It’s only a five minutes drive to get to Josh and Aaron’s place and soon enough Tyler parks his car on the pavement. Josh wastes no time to open the door and he’s about to step out of the car when his best-friend places his left hand on his shoulder.

‘He’s gonna be okay, man. Call me if you need anything. If _he_ needs anything. I’ll be right there.’

‘Thanks, ty.’ Josh says before closing the door behind him and climbing the stairs leading him to his apartment as fast as he can. When he opens the door, his eyes scan the living-room and his heart beats a bit faster when he doesn’t see him.

‘Azz?’ Josh says, his voice shaking a bit. ‘Where are you?’

‘Over there.’ A fragile voice says and he just knows that his boyfriend has been crying. He rushes into the kitchen and what he sees breaks his heart a bit more. His boyfriend is seated on the floor, leaning against the wall, he brought his knees to his chest and his shaking hands to his hair. Josh can see that the muscles of his face are contorted with what seems like rage and deep pain.

It seems like this one has spilled water everywhere because the jug is broken into a million pieces and the ground is wet, so are Aaron’s socks.

‘Oh my god, Azz...’ Josh says, squatting down in front of him. There, he places his two hands on the back of his neck and waits for him to look up before kissing his forehead. ‘Are you hurt?’

‘No, I just… I just dropped it I’m sorry.’

‘Azz, you’re all wet.’ Josh says, his eyes falling on his boyfriend’s clothes. ‘What happened?’

‘It… It was raining when I came back home and the subway was down, I… I didn’t want to wait any longer.

‘Why didn’t you call me? I would have come and get you.’

‘I know, I just… I don’t know.’ Aaron says and his voice was so low and fragile Josh almost wants to cry.

‘Alright. I’ll run you a bath and you’ll change into something more comfortable, how does that sound?’

‘Sounds great.’ Aaron only says. ‘Thank you.’ He adds, and Josh kisses him on the forehead a second time before getting him on his feet and leading him to the bathroom. There, Aaron undresses himself while Josh waits for the water to fill the bathtub, making sure it has the perfect temperature before letting Aaron sits in the bathtub, this one lets out a small sigh of content when his body is suddenly surrounded by hot water. Josh runs his hand through his boyfriend’s hair and is about to let go when Aaron places his own hand on the back of his neck to bring their lips together for a few seconds.

‘Thank you.’ He says again.

‘Don’t mention it, sweetheart.’ Josh says, smiling. ‘I’ll be right there, you enjoy this, alright?’

Aaron only nods and Josh comes back to the kitchen. He takes a small brush and a dustpan to gather all the pieces of glass and put them in the bin. He then uses the vacuum cleaner to clean the rest, biting his lower lip when he hears a few sobs coming from the bathroom. It’s been a long time since he hasn’t seen his boyfriend in such a state and Josh feels helpless. Aaron usually always radiates warmth, and joy. He has been through so much yet this smile almost never leaves his face. But seeing your own father rejecting you for who you are must be unbearable. And Josh has always been so close to his family, he can’t even begin to imagine how he would feel if he ever lost the support of one of his parents.

He quickly takes the sponge to absorb most of the water spilled on the ground and wipes the rest with a kitchen towel. He then comes back to the bathroom and smiles a bit when he sees that Aaron changed himself into his pajamas. This one looks up at him for a few seconds and Josh doesn’t waste any time to take him in his arms, and when Aaron breaks down in tears once again, he only tightens his embrace and runs his hand through his almost red hair.

‘It’s going to be okay.’ Josh whispers against his hair. ‘It’s going to be okay.’ He adds. He then guides him to their bedroom and lay down on the bed, inviting him to do the same and bringing him closer by wrapping one of his arms around his waist. This one hid his face in the crook of his neck and Josh moves his hand from his waist to his back, tracing small patterns to try and calm him down a bit.

‘Your brother called me.’ He says, once Aaron’s breathing is more regular.

‘I… I know.’

‘You need to talk to me, Azz.’ He adds, kissing him on his head. ‘Don’t be like me. Don’t bottle up your feelings cause it won’t do you any good, alright?’ Aaron only nods and Josh waits for a few seconds before speaking again. ‘What happened?’

‘I just… I was at work and… I don’t know, I was talking about you and the wedding to my coworker and I just… I felt so _out of place_. I don’t know why. I guess I just… Sometimes, I feel so far behind you. I feel like you already accomplished everything in life and I… I don’t know. It doesn’t happen very often but this afternoon I couldn’t help but wonder why you would waste your time with someone like me. I’m so… I’m so mundane, Josh.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘But it is.’

‘No.’ Josh says, his voice determined. ‘Azz, I don’t know where you got this idea from but none of this is true, alright? You’re the bravest person I know. You’ve been through so much yet you might be the most optimistic guy I know. You worked so hard to be where you are right now and I’m so fucking proud of you. It’s okay to feel out of place sometimes but I can tell you that you deserve every good thing happening in your life right now.’

‘I love you.’ Aaron only says, almost whispering.

‘And I love you too.’ Josh answers, kissing him one more time. ‘Is there something else you want to talk about?’

‘Hum I… When I came back home, I wanted to… I wanted to start the invitations. For the wedding and I… I guess I just realized that my dad wasn’t going to be there and it just... It just hurts, you know? I wish he could understand. I wish he could see how happy you make me but… It just sucks. It really does. I know I haven’t talked to you about him very often but that’s just… That’s just because I don’t want to remember the way he treated me. When I… When I came out to them. A few years ago. His reaction, I… It was awful. I’ve never seen him that mad before. He… He started throwing things at me, calling me names, saying he wouldn’t accept this kind of "lifestyle" in his house. I don’t know I… I knew he wasn’t very accepting but I never thought he would… I thought that maybe if it was his own son who was coming out he would see that… He would see that it doesn’t change a thing. That I’m still me. My mom tried to calm him down. My brother did too but he wouldn’t… He was _so_ mad. So I decided to leave. I went to live at a friend’s house for a while. I thought it was going to get better, that he would regret the things he said, that he would call me to apologize and tell me to come back home…. But he never did, Josh. He never did. My mom ended up breaking up with him. She chose me. Over him. And I know you’re going to say that it’s not my fault but I never stopped feeling guilty about that. I destroyed our family.’

‘He did.’ Josh corrects him. ‘ _He_ destroyed your family. You didn’t do anything wrong, Azz. And I’m sure your mom and your brother agree with me when I say this.’

‘My mom has been accepting since day one and my brother… He’s everything to me and you know that. But we’re…. We’re not very close to my father’s family now and my mom is an only child so… I just… I guess what I’m trying to say is… I was about to start the invitations but then I saw… I saw the seating arrangements and I just… I just freaked out.’ Aaron says. ‘I don’t know what you had in mind but… I don’t think I want this anymore, Josh.’

‘What do you mean?’ Josh says with a fragile voice. ‘Are you talking about the wedding?’

‘No!’ Aaron instantly says, sitting up straight. ‘No, of course I want to marry you. I just… I just don’t know if I want it to be a big thing. I was kinda hoping we could… We could tone it down a bit. I mean I saw Tyler’s wedding pictures and I…. I don’t know if this is what you had in mind but there’s no way I… I won’t feel comfortable if we plan this kind of things.’

‘Dude, of course not. Tyler and Jenna are… Well they’re just the way they are. Don’t get me wrong, I loved their wedding but I… I’m not like him. I’m _really_ not like him.’ Josh repeats, earning a small laugh from his boyfriend. ‘Their wedding was too… It was too big. Too much. For me, at least. So if what you’re trying to say is that you want something more intimate then I’m all for it, Azz.’

‘Okay...’ Aaron says, smiling. ‘That’s… That’s good. I was scared you would… You know. Get offended.’

‘Never.’ Josh only answers. ‘What do you have in mind?’

‘Maybe… I just wanted to invite my mother and brother only. Also my grand-parents. With a few friends of mine. And that’s it.’

‘Then only close family and a few friends? I’m down.’

‘But I… I know you have a big family and… And so many friends. So… I really want you to have a say in it. Don’t just say yes to make me happy, alright?’

‘Azz… First of, my family isn’t that big, alright? I just… I just really want Tyler’s family to be there as well. We’re so close and it… It just wouldn’t feel right not to invite them.’

‘Of course.’ Aaron says. ‘I was counting them as your family anyway. But what about your friends?’

'What about them?'

'You're like... Always out there, making new friends and I... I would hate myself for making you choose.'

‘Azz, I may know a lot of people but I wasn't planning to invite them all anyway. I just need a few of them by my side. Tyler and Jenna of course. Mark. Brad. Michael. Brendon and his wife. And… And I guess that’s it.’

‘Are you sure?'

'Positive.'

'Thank you for agreeing with everything I… I just… You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Josh. I hope you know this.’

‘Babe, don’t get too sentimental and keep that to the vows, alright?

‘Alright.’ Aaron says, smiling.

‘I love you.’ Josh still says after a few seconds, placing his two hands on the back of his neck. ‘I love you and please don’t bottle up your feelings like that ever again, alright? Talk to me. Call me or send me a text if I’m on tour but don’t withdraw into yourself like that.’

Aaron only nods and lays down once again next to him. His eyes are closed and Josh wastes no time to cover him with their blanket and bring him closer. This one needs to rest and Josh is happy to realize that the day after is his day off so he can sleep in.

A few hours later when Aaron is fast asleep next to him, Josh slowly takes his phone in his hand, making sure not to wake him up. There, he steals a picture of the two of them and opens it with his Instagram account. Their fans already know about the wedding and their support has been overwhelming. They’ve always been so open and accepting but Josh is thrilled to be able to call them their fan-base. He writes a small caption and smiles down at his phone before posting the picture.

 

‘ _He's the prettiest boy out there and I can't wait to marry him.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright first of I'm very sorry for being M.I.A for so long. I recently moved in to a new flat for my internship and my internet connection isn't the best and I need it for writing cause English isn't my first language and so WordReference is my best friend so I loose patience very quickly. And I was just unmotivated too so that didn't help. 
> 
> Also, these past two months have been very busy. I was lucky enough to see Twenty One Pilots three fucking times and honestly I cried so hard during their shows Bandito, chlorine and leave the city are so beautiful live?? The Paris show was pretty special to me cause it was my home country and also because WE NAILED THE QUIET GAME DUDES.
> 
> Anyway I love this band with my whole heart and I'm still wondering how they manage to put on something so beautiful and powerful. I'm honestly amazed by everything they thought of for these shows.
> 
> I really hope you liked this chapter. You can talk to me on Tumblr (living-in-cages) or Twitter (@kyewopen I promise I'm not problematic). And thank you for the support, I don't deserve you guys.


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